Siggy the DORG

Siggy is a big solemn
Serious DORG.

Now what do I mean by that?
You well may ask.
If you knew Siggy
You would not need to ask.
But since you don't (know Siggy):

A DORG is an imposing
Portentious diggified critter,
Half again as tall as an ordinary dog,
With a muzzle half again as deep
(Flanked by imposing semiimpendent whoofles),
Grandentuitiously big paws,
Solemnificacious deep brown eyes
And, oh yes, velvet ears, a fawn-red coat,
And an impossibeliferously huge black nose.

A DORG has a look of seriosity and sorrow
Because he sees what rough shape the world is in
(Like for example the possibiliventuality there might never be quite enough food for everyone, especially four-footed people).
Tears glisten horrendolorociously in his eyes
As he watches dog biscuits being removed from the box
(Now there's not so many left in there as there was before)
He often swallows his biscuit whole
Fearing it might disappear before he can eat it.

Outside, a DORG runs in fast, perpetual circles —
He has to be ready for anything — the sky could conceivably fall.
The world, after all, is a dangersome place.

Inside, a DORG is always happy to go to his crate,
Because it is covered, darkhideoutish and safe,
But a DORG is allowed (and loves) to sleep on the bed with me.
When he does, however, his ears are seen to vibrate
Finiminuciously with a constant subtle tremor,
Because anything might happen — someone (me) could grab him;
He might (oh dear) be hugged unexsuddenpectedly.
The roof, one supposes, might disastrocrashingly fall in;
So a cautious DORG must sleep in fits and starts
And sometimes awaken in the darkness to sit in suspensiventious vigil.

Siggy no doubt would explain these matters much better than I can,
If we could persuade him to speak of them.
This, however, would violate his vow
Of solemn, secretive DORG-like watchful silence,
So our persuasive efforts would be of no avail.

In summer a DORG likes to go for walks in the field
With a strong thirty-foot line tied onto his collar.
Leather gloves are a must to prevent serious rope burn:
An unwonted sound or sudden motion may galvanise
A DORG into seventy-five charging pounds of hyperprecipitous flight.

For all that, his tremendous diggity and quiet sincerosity
Ensures he is a loved and cherished family member.
We take these small things in stride; Siggy is, after all,
A uniquely precioprestigious and irreplaceable DORG.

— J. Jeffrey Bragg (23 February 2012)

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